My children have the uncanny ability to pick the absolute worst time to have emergencies. My daughter drenched me with throw-up at the beginning of a 5 hour whale watching trip. One son split his head open on a Sunday requiring an E.R. visit and stitches. The other son chose a night my husband was out of town to split his head open so I had to drag everyone to the E.R. I had a baby on my lap in an airplane with a blown out poopy diaper right after take-off. And on and on goes the list.
My favorite, though, is when my daughter lodged a popcorn kernel in her ear canal when we had been living in Omaha for all of two weeks. I didn't even know where a medical center was located, let alone have a family doctor picked out. I tried tipping her head way over and banging on the other side hoping it would just pop out. She wasn't too thrilled with that. Then I told her if we didn't get it out, it would start growing and she'd soon have corn shoots sticking out of her ear and roots attaching themselves to her brain. She didn't like that either, for some reason.
I finally found myself in an urgent care center I found in the yellow pages. We were ushered to an examination room where a doctor took one look and said he couldn't get the kernel out and that we'd have to go to an ear nose throat doctor. Luckily there was one in the same complex and he could see her right away. With a giant magnifying glass and tiny, needle-like tweezers, the ENT was able to get the popcorn kernel out all the while telling us horror stories of things he's pulled out of kids' ears including tic tacs, plants, and a live bee.
So the story has a happy ending. No roots implanted in brain.
Then we got a bill from the urgent care center for an "examination" - $169. Huh? The doctor barely even touched my daughter before he declared he couldn't do anything. Well, I couldn't do anything either. Where's my $169? In fact, there's a lot of medical procedures I can't do, brain surgery, heart transplants, amputations, well, maybe I could do amputations. But if you can get paid for not doing a popcorn extraction, I'd also like to get paid for not doing the other stuff.
Think it'll work?
Saturday, March 7, 2009
My New Profession - Not Being a Doctor
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Hmmmm. I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry a little. Mostly because your words bring back haunting memories of my own children induced "nightmares".
Ok....I'll admit...I'm leaning much more toward the laughing.
So funny because it is so true. They all have that uncanny ability and the ones that don't appear too have it are just saving it up or something.
Thanks for the chuckle.
Oh, ya and I love the bills too. I would like to get paid for things I didn't do or was wrong about. Weathermen are my big pet peeve...if Rich was wrong at his job as often as the weatherman is we would be homeless...
I once went to renew my contact lens prescription, and the optometrist suggested I try the new and improved contacts. I told her I was happy with the old Acuvues, but she said, "well, just try the new ones on and see how they feel," and so I did. The bill came a couple of weeks later for $25 fitting fee.
I would like to get paid for not cleaning up after everyone I live with
I saw your blog on Beckie's, I hope you don't mind. This is so true! I was just lucky because it happened last weekend when I took Kaitlin to High School Musical - the Ice Tour. Luckily, she waited until we were just in the car (not during the show). But we had to drive home over 1/2 hour with the smell.
yes ma'am! im the one in the dr office taking all the un-earned money! mwahahaha! i love my job. if only i could some how rig the credit machine to somehow be deposited into my account. hmmmmm...
Post a Comment