Monday, January 26, 2009

Do You Know Where Your Kids Are ?... Right Now Go Look ..Now. ..Ray.

While Ray pines for some use of her genius mind other than changing diapers and issuing spankings when her "just as smart as her "children flush animals down the toilet, I can't help but feel that no amount of brains could have prepared me for raising kids. Now I do not profess to be any kind of intellectual, still I thought or rather believed naively that I possessed enough common sense to get the job done.

What I did not count on was that there would be numerous scenarios that had never entered my thoughts ..ever. For example have any of your children ever spilled paint on the floor ? Easy solution right ? Time out and a lecture about mess making. Well what if they kept doing it everyday for a year. What if they ate the paint ? What if it was crayola paint as opposed to exterior paint. Would that make you less angry ? What if they painted each other as a sort of kind service to each other ? Do you keep punishing or just learn how to clean fast. If you don't punish for each and every crime will they end up in jail because they you let everything slide and they think they can get away with everything ? Or if you over punish will your children grow up feeling pecked to death and plot your death ? Every situation calls for thought and care and every situation is different and Ray's kids are undoubtedly pouring paint on the floor right now or very soon.

Honestly no college course can prepare for the intuition needed to handle a child. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to raise children. It keeps me busy enough so I don't have to think about how screwed up I am because my own parents royally destroyed my life by under-punishing me.



Happy The Man said...

Oh man, I'm going to try not to write a book... My 14 year old son refused to take a test today in PE. Was sent to the principal's office, they called home.

Mom: Christopher, why are you refusing to take your test?
Christopher: I don't have a pencil.
Mom: Where is your pencil?
Christopher: In my locker.
Mom: Did you tell the teacher that you didn't have a pencil?
Christopher: No
Mom: Why not?
Christopher: I don't know

then a little later a call from the high school, yet another crisis with our oldest daughter relating to hormones and depression, and writer's block... They made her sign something saying she wouldn't hurt herself or others in any way... Most people would say she's an absolute angel. Except for that one week from hell each month... Of course she totally denies it, "not me".

I'm not qualified! I don't know what I was thinking. How could I have possibly expected normal kids when I look at my gene pool (and my wife's isn't much better)? Of course I was oblivious to how whacky we all were, that is until I had kids and started investigating where all this was coming from. YIKES! And I thought the painted hardwoods was bad.

ray said...


I thought I was the only one (well, one of two with Ambie) with kids who did inexplicable things. I honestly once walked into my kitchen and found a dead bird in a jar on the counter. While other people's kids might see a dead bird and think, "eww, gross. don't touch" my kids think, "easy to catch".

As for that one time of month, maybe that was God's way of making sure that marriage counselors always had something to eat - and a luxury boat.

In consolation, Ambie, if our parents don't royally screw us up, our children certainly can. Is there anyone out there who doesn't need therapy because of either our parents or our kids?? If there are, I'm sure they are really boring to have at a party.