Thursday, May 21, 2009

Playing It Close

I don't know about you but I'm not a big fan of these:
Granted, I haven't lost anyone whom I would choose to honor in this manner. But seriously, why would I want to put a tribute to a person I love in the same place people put things like "I have a gun, and I vote" or a decal of Calvin peeing on a Ford logo?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for keeping momentos of people who are more important than anything else in this world to me. But rather than wearing a tight T-shirt that says "I heart my hubby!", I choose to wear a small, simple wedding ring. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve or my grief on my car. I show my love and devotion to the people I love by my actions. Spending time, attention, listening to and applying things they have taught me - not by renting out billboard space.

What do you think?

there is no

the end


Happy The Man said...

Agree. My wife and I planted a Japanese maple tree in memory of our infant son. It was a hard decision to make actually because we were in a home that we knew that we'd one day leave, but the tree was starting to outgrow the large container that we had it in so we were forced to action.

Fortunately we did move before it was too big and planted it in our front yard where it's beauty is prominently enjoyed by anyone who visits. We love it all the more because it is our "Matthew" tree, it brings us happy reflections of our beautiful son.

What are your thoughts about a web page dedicated to or in memory of a deceased loved one?

We have one. Nobody really goes there anymore though close friends and family visited it much in those early days. I enjoyed making it, was somewhat therapeutic for me. And when people left comments, they made me feel like I was sharing him, just as any loving parent is more than happy for you to know their living children.

It also serves to help me resurface some of those emotions, if I want to. They can be bittersweet, but remembering helps keep it real, despite the fact that he has been gone for so long.

I guess it's hard to articulate. But I personally agree that advertising openly one's grief to the world is tasteless and even irreverent, on par with praying in public or fasting as the hypocrits "of a sad countenance" and "a disfigured face."

Ambie said...

I'm with you Ray ... really it seems more of an honor to not advertise

ray said...

HTM, I love the idea of having a living organism as a symbol of a loved one lost. It would be quite risky for me because I have a tendency to kill all my plants, though. I think the webpage idea is nice. You could put all your memorials there and then direct everyone's attention there if you felt overwhelmed by all the concern.

This is all academic for me since I have lost neither child, parent, or sibling.

Tim said...

Last Saturday, I helped one of my scouts with his Eagle Scout project--we cleaned headstones at an old cemetery. These are grave stones from the mid 1800's, and most seemed forgotten and definitely not cared for by family. I would literally begin scrubbing the dirt and moss off of a stone until it revealed a name underneath. It was like the person was becoming real again. Point is, there is definitely a sense of reverence in a cemetery. It's hard to translate that feeling while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

Nathan & Michelle Watabe said...

Funny coincidence, Ray.

Right now I'm in Santa Maria, CA, and I've seen like 3 of these, on pretty crappy cars, may I add. Seeing them reminded me of your post, and I brought the same concerns up to my friends. They all agreed it's quite weird. I think it's a cultural thing for a certain racial group that makes up a large part of the southern/central California population...