Saturday, September 20, 2008

My Nipple Nightmare

It's supposed to be the most natural instinct. The amazing human body creates new life and brings it into the world. That amazing body is also equipped to feed that new life and women from Eve on down have been doing it and propagating the species for over 6000 years. Apparently if I had been Eve, humans would never have made it past the second generation. The only reason my babies have survived is through the miracle of technology that has brought us formula, the bottle, and an indispensible invention called "the nipple shield".

I know, it sounds like the top half of "the chastity belt" and looks like a rice paddy hat, but it really is the only way my abundant-in-size/deficient-in-milk, um, feedbags, can do their god-given task. It's a cross between wearing Madonna cones and siphoning gas out of your car.

I don't know why other mothers and babies all over the world, through all the ages can fit together like keys in a lock and I'm the only one trying to shove a watermelon into a keyhole and wondering why it isn't working. I envy the mothers who can pull the all-night feedings half asleep by basically lifting the flap. I, on the other hand, have to go through a 10-step process that leaves me and baby frustrated, crying, and ready to throw in the breast pad.

But I trudge on with my trusty nipple shield of faith knowing that someday, somehow all this effort will be worth it.


Tim said...

Man, all the things I could comment on about this blog.... But, I'm going to show a little taste and restraint (Ray, you're so proud of me right now).

ray said...

very well written post. I'm impressed. keep shielding, my friend.

Ambie said...

Tim, surely you must be a real man to even have the courage to respond to this post at all

To everyone else : don't fear the nipple shield post my friends

The Duckworth Family said...

No fear here as it has been my best friend through two babies! Although they forgot to warn me that the average wean time from the sheild of 3 weeks, was just an average and really could go on forever. Or at least five months which is how long it took for Maliyah! I felt it quite a success and overcoming quite an obstacle when with baby 3 (and only because all three came within 4 years) that I was able to refuse "the sheild." It was a defeat that was almost more gratifying than having given birth itself! Even after being offered the shield...I denied it....I felt more impowered than every, until day two when I really needed it! But came day three and success was ours (mine and baby of course!) So glad to hear that I was not the only abnormally shaped woman in Alaska!